dancing on the edge of reason

Of Engagement rings and deadly weapons..

2008-05-15T21:59:00.004-04:00

I'm not quite sure what the current trend on engagement rings is outside of the Garden Level (ie. basement) of the PT building but it seems like the rings are getting bigger and BIGGER with each new proposal.. So here's my take on it.

I think that there are criteria you need to meet for the size of ring you choose - the more you work out, the bigger the ring. Hey, you see those sparkly boulders and you'll know what I'm talking about... oh yeah.. pump some iron with those fingers .. a few hundred planks on the left finger... get all this done and you'll be in good shape to endure the weight of you new piece of jewellery!!!

When I say BIG/GIANORMOUS/GIGANTIC/COLOSSAL.. this is what I mean.. and this is the trend now in the "Garden Level" of the Program in Physical Therapy!!

Now, I know what you prudent, minimalists out there are thinking.. "what a waste.." but there is quite a multifold purpose to having gianormous accessories..

These rings are SO bright, you can turn the lights out at night, burn a candle and let the candlelight refract through the ring (by ring I mean DIAMOND). Can you even imagine how much energy you would be saving.. and now if we would only think of a way to generate electricity from these mini solar systems we would have a whole host of very happy environmentalists.
Speaking of light and refraction... the spark from these 3000 karat diamonds are so bright that you can potentially position your ring in the sunshine and blind your enemies (serves them right for giving you the evil eye... ).
You can punch someone and while injuring the unfortunate person that crossed your path, you can leave a trademark, multi-level, cosmetically appealing pit in their face.
Oh last... and my favorite and deadliest self defense technique - aim the edges of that ring at the jugular and what do you get..??? A Tiffany & Co style execution!!

Boys, start investing. You see all the long term advantages.. you save on energy, self-defense lessons, and medical bills for yourself coz your girl can now take care of herself - no more jumping in the line of fire to save the fair lady!

P.S. - No need to mention long lasting euphoria and a sudden boost in bedroom extracurriculars. The perks are never ending!!

Wanted!

2007-09-14T22:23:00.000-04:00

They thought I could never shut up. Not even when I had my mouth full of food. They thought I was amusing, and would laugh at the slightest - even when I was NOT trying to be funny. The thought I had the weirdest logic, which made perfect sense to me, but never to them. They thought I was scandalous (at times). A few of them even thought I was intelligent. Jeez! I wonder what they were smoking.

Where did I go?

If someone finds the above mentioned "I" please let me know. I'm feeling very halved and desperately looking for her.

Told ya!!

2007-02-21T01:04:00.000-05:00

I'm back. I'm running a new race, and I desperately want to see the finish line!

So it's been a year, and maybe I was missed, maybe I wasn't, but all this while I missed my sanity. I did have some in fleeting moments though.....

I'm finally in PT school (in other words a trial separation from the real world. Real world with people. With BOYS!!!!) and although it's like a dream come true I am subjected to "performing skills" I would never in my whole life have imagined.... So here goes..here are a few of my newly acquired "skills"

I can feel you up on the valid pretext of "palpating" (I have felt up more women in more inappropriate places than the wildest fantasy ever, UGH!! I need to see more of the male community...know that they exist...somewhere on the planet)
..measure all the insignificant movements your tiniest joints make...
figure out our body like the "road map" to your "movement disorders"... (that's just soooo much blah!!)
think of food names for almost everything in a close-to-rotting cadavers and STILL be able to ingest the same food.... (you know...like how human fat looks like mac n cheese?)
look at you walk and tell you when and where you need to get freaking corn caps for your soles...nice haan?
Ohhhhh...how could I forget this? I can pay attention to a lecture and study for a different exam AT THE SAME TIME!

See, I can go on and on bajaoing my own dhol, but hey...there's something called humility too right?

Peace out!

2006-02-06T18:39:00.000-05:00

The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race.

Licence to torture

2005-12-16T11:23:00.000-05:00

Peoples..I am done!! 3 years of the most nonsensical and irrelevant classes. 1 year of heartbreaks (yes, breaks). 1 year of confusion. And I am finally done.

I take the "walk" this Saturday and although I am still in shock I think I am happy..and a littal excited. Being excited only works if you DON'T think of the money you drained just to get a 8 1/2 x 10 piece of paper with your name in some stylish font! All said and done I now have an official license to tell people that they are obese by 0.5kg..ahhh the cheap thrills!!

Unfortunately, family (by blood) will not be able to make it, but the family I have here are more than anyone can ask for. R, R, P, S..you guys are the best, MUAH!!

Seetay, if you haven't been here in a while look out for pics from the ceremony. Moi plans to post!

Hopefully, all interesting things should happen now that coll is done. Hopefully, I should start posting more often. Hopefully, I shall win the lottery and get the Nobel Prize for doing so!

Ummeed se hi to duniya kaayam hai!

2005-11-01T23:54:00.000-05:00

Yello! I'm green, and what are you today?

2005-10-26T03:01:00.000-04:00

We all live in reality right? Unless we live in a perpetual dream, which is actually a warped, pink heart-shaped version of reality. So then why would the inane, mundane, horribly biscuit coloured details of someone else's life be of ANY interest to anyone. Who knows..but hey, it sells!!

On this same note and recently acquired thought debilitation, I have come up with this idea of painting my life. My mouth works overtime anyways and it's too damn hard to find a script writer. Paints are better. Just pages and pages of solid colour - and then polka dots, stripes, checks, etc for when I'm feeling creative.

So now that we have these details taken care of, there's this one thing that been bugging me. If you say you are blue, universally you are conveying you are sad; if I situate yellow with being happy, then does green mean I am confused? Or bipolar?

Today, I feel like a multi-coloured, polka-dotted, graffiti wall.

Life Disconnected

2005-10-07T10:26:00.000-04:00

Life seems to have gotten stuck somewhere. It doesn't seem to be moving forward any. It's like there's a paperjam in the "quality control office" up there - and I don't think they even use paper.

I want to travel by train for the rest of my life. Really, it's the funnest thing ever. Airplanes suck and give you cabin fever. And flu.

I am bankrupt. I also have to much limit on my credit cards. Someone is setting me up - I need financial bodyguards.

FYI - I get my coffee free these days from Starbucks. I have become a regular!

2005-09-16T10:22:00.000-04:00

I have become more lazy now that I have virtually NO work this semester. This blog is just a blatant representation of the same. But, the past day or two have actually been somewhat exciting. This is what I have been upto:

- Got offered a job in a bar. No, I will NOT be bartending because if that happens I will end up owing the place as opposed to being paid!

You know what, this is probably the most exciting thing that has happened in weeks. Went to the mall yesterday to shop for shoes for my room mate. I have never known of anything more difficult. She is a US size 4.5 - needless to say I almost wore my shoes out trying to look for something for her. All we found was stuff in the children's section. And I thought I was small.

Student Union Computer lab

2005-08-26T12:28:00.000-04:00

The excitement has only just begun!!

The beginning of the semester is always fun - for people like me who have been
around the university long enough to qualify as a pillar. We have all these obviously overwhelmed and awkwardly outta place international students who are still trying to figure out the laundry machine.

The object of this post just came in and sat right in front of me...which is pretty freaky and aside from the point. Extra-friendly SN walks up to me the morning after a very very long sleepless night manning the aforementioned lab and this is the conversation that took place:

"Hello, I am SN."
"Erm, Hi...Eliza"
"Which department are you in...?"
"I am an undergrad.."
"Yes yes....but which dept are you in"

*secretly rolling eyes*

"Exercise Science..." (repeated thrice)
"Aaa..what? XE aaa?? what is that?"

*pitch increases*

"EXERCISE SCIENCE...(aaarrggghhhhhh)"
"Ohhhhh...Kinesiology aa? I was in your class this morning!!"

*huh?..class? major freaking out happening...I had a class this morning?*

"Uh, I am sorry I have only one class this sem..in the EVENING."
"No no...I was in your class...anatomy and physiology. I was taking notes"

*Takes duct tape and tapes the guy's mouth shut*

"SN, I DON'T have A&P this Sem"
"Oh, ok. But anyways, I was in that class in the morning. I was taking notes."

*SO WHAT THE EFFIN' HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???*

Ufff..kaisa kaisa public aata hai US. On another note, right when I started this post SN comes and sits in front of me on one of the MACs and says "Arrey ye system sab alag hai na? Pata hi nahi chalta browser kahaan hai!"
Abey A class ke 3rd grade duffer, Microsoft systems kya tere sasur ke liye rakhe hai kya?

Found my way back

2005-08-24T00:14:00.000-04:00

Through the boredom, confusion, emptiness, worthlessness and basic crap of life I have found my way back. To add to the ever-greying content of this blog, I shall update all you clinically bored souls with the latest sordid details in my life!!

1. The animated polar bear in my cellphone (which is by default) was actually christened by my 11yr old cousin. Polar bear's name is "Popie."

2. I am $200 richer for no reason. I have a generous family.

3. Showed up in the wrong class (late) on the wrong day and asked random prof what class he was teaching. Kicked self in butt.

4. Showed up to work 30 min early in the morning and 2 hrs early in the night.
(Note: Detail 3 and 4 happened on the same day. Thus proved that I have an acute chronological malfunction going on.)

5. I have 7 more hrs to go and I am already bored. Khat-Mal ki jay ho!!

6. I am experiencing "graduating senior syndrome." I don't give a damn anymore.

7. Went to the mall and ended up buying the map of Italy!!

This is it. I win the "boringest life award" hands down. However, competitors are very welcome!

2005-07-24T10:17:00.000-04:00

She danced gracefully, beautifully
The way I have always wanted to
But I wasn't looking
There was something else that night that was so much more appealing

They came prepared to be bored. They were
They sat oblivious to the music, the applause
They drew what came to their mind. With whatever colours they found
Quietly

I caught myself staring
I found myself admiring and wanting some part of that scribbling in my life
I saw myself change
I found myself wanting those squiggly lines in random colours in my life,
...on my fridge

2005-07-16T23:21:00.000-04:00

I have started dancing...I don't intend to stop till November!

2005-07-05T16:14:00.000-04:00

LOL!!

2005-06-15T18:42:00.000-04:00

LOL, literally meaning "laugh out loud", came in to being specifically to be used in situations hilarious enough to "laugh out loud." So, how is it that people use lol to denote a snigger and not that they genuinely find something funny?

Thus, the poor lol has been demoted to being a mere snigger, or and expression of sarcasm at times - its place being rightfully taken by ROTFLMAO, and ROTFLMBO, and ILSHIC (I laughed so hard I cried)!!

I wonder who's incharge of all the demotions and promotions....

2005-06-15T13:11:00.000-04:00

My blog is being retarded! Too bad I can't murder it!

Ode to roomie

2005-06-10T22:27:00.000-04:00

This post is dedicated to my room-mate, who does alot more than just existing.

Babe, this is for those moments of silence,
for those silent dinners,
for all those sad excuses for movies that we suffered,
for biting each other ears off talking,
for those conversations where words were secondary,
for brutally honest unbiased opinions,
for times when you couldn't keep your fingers out of the dishes,
for making every moment last - for making us realise that the moment was worth being captured,
for bursting my bubbles,
for wanting to help me commit murder,
for being my cushion when I didn't even know I was going to fall,
for times when we couldn't stop laughing even when the reason had vanished,
for all that was exclusively our's,

for just being you! I'll miss you...

2005-06-04T12:21:00.000-04:00

I had this overwhelming craving for ice cream last night. So, I forced my lazy ass up and actually walked to the store to buy some. The tub said "Haagen Daaz - Rocky Road", and I assumed it was something fun - Murphy's Law ki maakikirkiri, it was CHOCOLATE ICECREAM (with marshmallows)

I get the feeling this is patience-testing week - I am not giving in just yet!

To Kiss or not to Kiss

2005-05-26T00:49:00.000-04:00

There are so many possible scenarios when I think of a boy leaning in expectantly toward the girl to steal his first kiss (or second, or third...) and I constantly wonder what it would be like to actually implement one of these instead of meekly leaning forward yourself and accepting the kiss.

Scenario 1
The guy decently asks the girl if he can kiss her.
Girl: Battameez! Behaya! Ek abla naari ka faayda uthate sharam nahi aati?
*resounding slap*

Scenario 2
The guy decently asks the girl if he can kiss her.
Girl: uhh...ummm actually, I don't know. I mean uhhh see we should not like this all, no? What will my mummy daddy say? Haww no no...I am not like that type of girl ya! What if something happens? (something = pregnancy).

Scenario 3
The guy decently asks the girl if he can kiss her.
Girl: You blind?
Guy: No, why?
Girl: You read English?
Guy: Uhhh...whattt? Ofcourse I do!
Girl: Then read the freaking sign!

"Kissing the client is against our business ethics. Please refrain from doing so or your license will be revoked."

Girl: Aight man...Hurry up.....I don't have all night!
Guy: *yeh kahaaaaannnn aaagaye hum?*

Scenario 4
The guy decently asks the girl if he can kiss her.
Girl: Whaaattt? Hah! So this is what this was all about. The dinner, the gifts, all the smooth talking..chaaa...all you men I say! Perverts!

Scenario 5
This is to inform you that Scenario 5 has been cancelled. The actor for this part has resigned and moved indefinitely to an undisclosed location. Although, I have been given the permission to reveal that he has swung to the other side permanently. Please leave all fan mail, cheques and expensive gifts in drop box below and they shall be delivered to "guy." Thank you!

2005-05-24T00:33:00.000-04:00

I have decided to use this tiny plot of mine on the internet to unload some delayed post-teenage angst!

Why do I have to take classes in the summer?
Why doesn't my food stay down in my damn stomach?
Why can't I get an advisor for my project?
Why does my sister choose to play games as opposed to talking to me? My value is seriously depreciating...
Why is my wisdom tooth being dumb?
Why should I care about cocaine in Amsterdam?

Ok I am done...

Sad, very very sad

2005-05-18T22:28:00.000-04:00

Few more months to graduation and guess what I am learning. C'mon give it a try!!
I'll tell you - How to add 'suffixes' and 'prefixes' to words. Ohhh ohhh...no that's not the end of it. You are already given credit for doing Anatomy and Physiology and 2 years dogging the doctors at a hospital and then AFTER that you learn how "build" medical words!!!

RIDDAMNDICULOUS!!
These freaking Yanks in all their 'whiteness' don't have any grey matter...Because it's all white terrain! Although, they wouldn't really MIND having some colour (yes I spelt it with a 'u'..sue me!) coz they believe in equal opportunities...even though that's all in the head.

Back at the Apt. and mindless

2005-05-15T13:07:00.000-04:00

I had this amazing thing to write about. It wasn't a story or an experience or anything of that sort but some out of whack, psycho, non-literary babble. But I FORGOT!! That thought was right there on the edge of the fingers...waiting to be typed..(waiting to be read by people who would have twsited me like a pretzel and roasted me after that, but neverthless) and then suddenly I hear the original remix of Taal in full blast and I see those words do one Shaimak Davar number towards the bathroom!!

Offlate I have been confusing myself and alot of other people I have been talking to on YM...I guess this is what happens when you stay at home and sleep more than you stay awake and when you are awake you are tipsy on wine. This is a conversation that I had with one of my friends in Bombay who just got a job in a clinica near her house; she's a Physical Therapist!!

B: Hey guess what I got a job...
Me: (thinking she got a nose job coz she was planning to) Oh cool..when, where?
B: There's this place near my house...10 am : 3 pm
Me: Ohhh does it hurt? And howcome you're back home already?
B: ??? Eliza? Why will my job hurt?
Me: Arrey surgery will hurt no?
B: You fooolll...I have started working in a clinic...I got a job ..not a nose job!!
B: What is wrong with you?
Me: *smacking myself on the head*

Thus, the moral of the story is that a 1 week holiday sans travel is highly detrimental to the mental health of Eliza. Kindly avoid any contact or seemingly intelligent conversation with her. Disregarding this crucial warning will result in suicidal tendencies, murderous itchings of the hand, the desperate need to rotate around the place hopping on one foot.

Help Wanted

2005-05-06T20:56:00.000-04:00

Please donate to the "Send Eliza back home" fund!

This is a good cause, I assure you. This is your one time opportunity to help the neglected, dejected, objected, subjected and homesickjected minority in your society.

Bhagwan tumhara bhala karega!!

2005-05-02T20:33:00.000-04:00

How do you just forget 9 years of your life?

2005-04-28T09:07:00.000-04:00

8 F***ing am, Prof finally decides that he wants to commence class. Regarding final on Tuesday: "Ya, well I figured I would give you guys a multiple choice format since evidently from the last midterm, most of you can't even write a full sentence."
sarcasm alarm starts ringing
The class laughs. WHAT??? Doesn't anyone get it?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last day of classes and we get locked out.
Prof shows up late so we sprawl on the floor like refugees.
Seriously, who really cares about the new Food Pyramid? It's just a triangle used for decorating fridge and hence make kitchen colourful.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6 finals
2 papers
The g-raping has officially begun!

Phhhuuucckkkkkk!!!!

randomness

2005-04-25T23:40:00.000-04:00

Usual boring Monday night. Roomie grading undecipherable squiggles, a lame excuse for a Biology final. Me desperately trying to gett off my butt and concentrate on the shower at the end of the corridor and NOT on the eardrum blasting sound of my stomach.

Roomie: Hey ..Lemony Snickett...I think it will be a good movie.

Me: (see frog with 3 eyes and zone out) Eh? what?

Roomie: (enthusiastically) This movie, it's one of those nice, different movies!

Me: You mean it's wierd and stupid?

Roomie: ya I guess

Me: Maybe it's my kinda movie then..ha?

Roomie: Oh yes...totally your kinda movie

Me: So you're trying to tell me that I am wierd and stupid? Huh? huh?

Roomie: ahhh no no..see just beacuse ppl like abtract art it doesn't mean they are abstract ....

Me: *glazed look in eyes*

Roomie: ....you like something, you are something else on the inside... You are not what you like..(or something like that)

Me: *trying to comprehend*

Me: So you trying to tell me that just coz I think this movie is my type, that I am wierd and stupid??

Roomie: You zoned me out, didn't you? *forgotten expletive*

Me: It's my kinda movie haan?

The brain bajao sessions never end, do they? (roomie rocks!)

FYI

2005-04-22T18:35:00.000-04:00

Schizophrenia does NOT feature multiple personalities; this fact has been wrongly portrayed by media (but then again, what hasn't). Schizophrenics are, in fact, delusional, psychotic and may have speech difficulties because their neurotransmitters (dopamine) are out of whack!

thank you, thank you!

2005-04-18T15:00:00.001-04:00

Agghhh..the torture of last minute assignments and computer tantrums!! What part of "DON'T wait until the last minute to do this assignment" don't we (read, I) understand?

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

2005-04-14T21:40:00.000-04:00

Definition: a nonsense word meaning fantastic; also called supercalifragilistic

Etymology: popularized by the movie 'Mary Poppins'

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"

If I ever end up having kids, I think I would make them repeat this 25 times everytime they do something wrong. Consqequentially, they will become expert phoneticists and will be able to recite "she sells sea shells on the sea shore" in their dreams without distorting the pronounciation of any word!

Hah! Maybe they should make this an official nursery rhyme.... supercalifragilistic idea eh? What say?

10 signs that you are DEFINITELY PMSing!

2005-04-13T18:45:00.000-04:00

Deviations from the otherwise deviant, non-sensical behavior become significant enough to be re-noticed when:

You cook food 3 days in a row; this food actually tastes good.
You take 3 hr naps, wake up when you are supposed to officially go to bed and bake 2 lemon cakes.
You are wired enough to do a 500 m sprint around the apartment complex AFTER a 12 hr long day of classes.
You force people to drink elaichi and haldi ka doodh (poor guy) at 12 in the night after they insist that they are not hungry. And then you want them to eat a sandwich too, and get offended when they say no.
In all seriousness you contemplate murder (or torture) and consider the legal implications of the same considering you told the judge that your hormones were temporarily drunk/doped.
Your friends TELL you that you are in PMS.
You insist on dragging your roomie off her bed and out of her room by her feet and then drop her on the ground; just because you don't want her to sleep..(this calls for a board meeting)!!
You call your mother on her way to work and ask her if she recognizes your voice and knows who she is talking to...(what naansense!).
An hr long, brain-racking, nerve-grating, time consuming conversation with customer service reps actually energizes you and you send them back a feedback email saying "Yaaayy to Girl Power"!!! *pretend not to recognize roomie*
You say you have 10 signs..but you actually only have 9 (hahah...tricked you)!!

The brains of an OX

2005-04-12T14:19:00.000-04:00

I create a whole new blog, publish my first post, get all kicked about the whole issue and then BOOM...I forget my username!!!! I login to my blog 60 times a day to see if my blog magically appears on the dashboard. But no, I am in denial that I might have another username; this fact having been repeatedly pointed out to me by a friend who tried to see what the problem was.
I WAS LOGGING IN WITH THE WRONG USERNAME!!!!

So this basically boils down to the fact that there is someone else inside my brain. How else could I have 2 usernames with the same password?? EXPLAIN!!!

Ahhh..the pigheadedness of an alter ego!

The first of many

2005-04-10T14:32:00.000-04:00

If life threw 3 things at you all at once, do you attempt to catch them all at once? Or do you catch just one and let the others fall? If they fall do you bend down and pick 'em up or concentrate on balancing what you've already caught?